on my caffein addiction

So I've been trying to cut back on the amount of caffein and more specifically coffee that I have lately because I think it's starting to have negative effects on me. For a long time, back when I didn't drink coffee as often, I always had to eat something with it. It's almost as if it would be too acidic on my stomach and too strong. I'd end up with a stomach ache and feeling really jittery. Neither of those things happen to me anymore which was my first sign that I was becoming too used to it.

Then I started getting headaches from not having coffee. I'd sleep in and know that I didn't need the coffee to wake me up. But I'd always end up with a headache. I knew they weren't just normal headaches either because I'd make myself drink more water thinking "oh maybe I'm just dehydrated" and I even resorted to taking a couple Tylenol (something I normally don't do) but the headaches would not go away. The only thing that would make these headaches go away was to either take a nap or drink coffee. I honestly felt like a crack addict some days. I was getting the headaches because my body was so used to the caffein and wasn't getting it anymore. And that's when I decided to stop drinking it as much.

But here's the biggest problem I have with my new change; I love coffee. For me, drinking coffee in the mornings is always more because I enjoy drinking it than because I needed it to wake myself up. I love making it myself instead of buying it from Starbucks because it's much more custom that way. I love the taste and the warmth and the smell. I love the idea of waking up every morning, sitting at the table, drinking coffee and eating a bowl of cereal. I love it because it's sort of like my little routine, my little daily tradition. And I think all of these reasons contribute to the fact that my body was becoming addicted to it. I wasn't just drinking it when I needed it to get through the morning but rather I was drinking it because I wanted to.

I told myself that I was only going to drink coffee on days I woke up to an alarm. Simple enough I think. On the days that I don't use my alarm it means I'm waking up when my body is ready to be awake and has gotten enough energy for the day. Now, just to clarify, I'm not going to set an alarm at 10:00 am just to say "I used my alarm today." This way the only effect I'll feel from the lack of daily caffein is tiredness and that is much more normal and healthy then my body being addicted.

I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.

~Flash Rosenberg

on a somewhat normal day

I haven't been writing as much in the last few days as I was previously and as I want to be. Partly because nothing's been going on that deserves writing about. No one wants to hear about going to the same-old classes, reading an article on cystic kidney disease for my presentation, eating dinner and spending the rest of the night watching reruns of Family Guy episodes on Cartoon Network till bed. But also partly because my mind's been somewhere else lately. Well I guess more specifically my mind's been nowhere. I haven't really been motivated for deep thinking and reflecting and learning the last couple days and its shown in my lack of blogging and studying unfortunately. But with all that said....

1. I think I might be too much of a perfectionist because it absolutely kills me when something goes wrong. Even things that aren't a big deal. I've been known to rewrite a to-do list simply because it's not evenly spaced on my sticky note. It's even worse when it comes to things related to school and labs. Last night was a downer in terms of experiments in biochem lab going wrong. Not only did our plates grow bio-films (for those of you non-science people out there, bio-films= definite bad news) but then our DNA experiment didn't work either. And to top it all off, the DNA didn't work because of a stupid calculation error. We got a major stink-eye from our professor for messing up I might add. Yes I know, being a perfectionist isn't the worst characteristic a person can have but by-golly sometimes I wish I didn't care so much.

2. Politics and me have never mixed and for most of my life it will probably stay that way. I've always avoided heated "political discussions" which is just code for arguing with someone because they don't think like you while trying to convert them to the "better side" (whichever side that might be). But this whole heath care bill and more specifically people's reactions to it has really made me not happy. While I admit that I don't know every single detail about every single aspect of this bill, I've looked into it enough to get the gist of it and it shocks me how some people can be against allowing people health care. Seriously people, you want to tell others they don't deserve health care because of money/health problems/our current economy? I don't want to get into the meat and potatoes of the issue right now because that's not who I am but, like I've heard many times in the news lately from the bill's supporters, "Health care is a right, not a privilege." Everyone is human and deserves care when they are sick regardless of what that does to our economy/taxes/etc.

3. In studying for my MCAT, I have completed my Exam Krackers Biology and Physics books as of now. That's 2 out of the 4. I am currently in the midst of reading through the Organic Chemistry book and *knock on wood* plan to have it finished by tomorrow night. My side/secret goal is to have it done today but I'll set the goal for tomorrow so that I don't let myself down if it's not done tonight and so I can feel good about myself if it is done tonight. Aren't I good at making myself seem successful in my own eyes? But really, I'm feeling okay-ish as of right now in terms of studying. I plan to spend my entire spring break devoted to this and I really feel like that's going to make me feel significantly better. It is officially 31 days from today until the big day. I know I'll be ready when the day comes, just not sooo sure of it right now....

4. I found this quote the other day and feel like I can really relate to its message. It makes me realize why I work as hard as I do for my dreams.

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.

If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.

- Herman Cain

on Betty Crocker's treats

Given the overcast sky and my lack of motivation to do homework and studying, I decided to play homemaker for the day and bake some delicious treats. There's something about baking that makes me think of home. I love the dusting of flour that's always left on the counter from mixing. I love the egg shells lying empty in the sink. I love the measuring cups and the bowls. I love how the apartment is left smelling like grandma's been in town. I love making things from scratch thanks to my wonderful Betty Crocker Cookbook, it literally is "everything you need to know to cook today." Making things at home is much cheaper too I might add which is a definite plus.

So today I decided to make brownies (sadly enough I didn't make these ones from scratch, I'll skip the box-mix next time I promise) and blueberry-chocolate chip muffins. We've been out of dessert items lately and I am guilty of many chocolate cravings in the evenings which is why I made the brownies. I made muffins because I love having something to take on-the-go for breakfast in the morning. My cookbook is so helpful for someone like myself who's done some cooking in my day but am not an expert by any means. There's awesome pictures that help you cook and know when things are done correctly. The muffin pictures show how to tell if they are cooked long enough based on the color, cracks and shape of the tops.

The Wonderful Batter- Before

I like muffin batter much better than brownie batter because it's less tempting to stick your finger in and indulge on the chocolate-y goodness. Ok so yes, I think that technically means I like, even love, brownie batter more and I wouldn't put it past myself to eat half the batter before it's even baked. Jeff usually helps me with this task too ;-)

The Golden Muffins- After

The muffins turned out wonderful. They are just slightly golden and the contrast of the light dough and the deep purple blueberries makes them oh-so pretty. Plus they look great on our new eggplant colored plates from Ikea we bought last weekend! I was a little worried about the blueberry/chocolate chip combination so I had to try one out. I knew I liked the blueberries and chocolate chips separately so I figured the combo would be delicious as well. And I am pleased to say I was right.

The Chewy Brownies- After

The box for the brownies had different recipes depending if you wanted fudge-like brownies or cake-like brownies. I decided to go for the earlier of the two. This meant adding one less egg to the mixture. They turned out a little more sticky/chewy than I anticipated but I'm sure they will still taste great. It just made getting them out of the pan and arranged on the plate a little more difficult. Plus Jeff is much more of a "half-baked brownie fan" as compared to cake-like brownies so I did it for him. :-)

While I have yet to accomplish anything productive for school today, at least I can say I made some yummy treats and made myself happy because of it. It's productive too, just on a different level. Hopefully these treats get eaten quickly so I have a reason to bake again soon.

on being sun-kissed

There's something about being tan that makes me love myself more than when I'm not tan. I know, it seems a little odd, but I'm always more comfortable with myself when my skin has color to it. Being tan doesn't make me weight less, it doesn't make my muscles more toned, it doesn't change my height, but it makes me feel good and I love that. I know that I like seeing the obvious change being in the sun makes. Seeing the tan lines from where the white meets the tan makes me happy.

But, and this is a serious but, I do not condone tanning beds. Its fake. You should be tan in the summer and white in the winter. It's sorta creepy when someone is overly tanned in the middle of December without spending a month in the Caribbean. People who are obsessed with going and tanning never look natural. Their skin is either an odd shade of orange-- which makes you think they've put on self tanner-- or they resemble leather-- the kind that's meant for couches and shoes. And these are all current things. Can you imagine the wrinkles in twenty-five years?

While I admit that I've been to a tanning bed before, in my defense it was just to be safe. Safe and tanning bed in the same sentence? Let me explain. When my family's taken a vacation where we are going to be on the beach and in the sun the whole time, I sometimes have gone and gotten a base tan. Here's where the safe part comes in. If I was my usual winter-white self, spending a week in Mexico, or Belize or anywhere tropical would have killed, yes killed, my skin. Absolutely frying in the sun for a week on vacation would have been worse than the few times I went for the minimum time in a tanning bed. Plus I believe tanning should be a gradual thing, hence the reason why I always apply sunscreen, even if I'm only going to be out for a little while. And I always drink lots of water and use lots of lotion; good hydration leads to happy, tanned skin.

on bullies, butt-heads, and people who are mean

I understand that we live in a society that's not perfect because really no one is perfect. I get that everyone has their moments where they yell and scream and get mad about things that don't matter. Everyone's entitled to an occasional temper-tantrum, myself included. And sometimes, in a fit of rage people say things they don't mean, things that are hurtful and shouldn't be said. But the trick is, normal, nice, decent people realize when they're being irrational.

Specifically I'm venting about a confrontation between a professor and myself just last night. And it was all because of the format of a file. In trying to defend myself about the situation and ensure that I got the credit I deserve, I had been emailing with said-professor. For whatever reason, whether he is too busy to deal with students, dislikes me because I'm a science major or because I care about my grades, his emails turned into threats towards my success in the class. For something I didn't even do.

I am willing to accept that I don't do everything right all the time and I get that. But in this situation, I did what I was supposed to do. I [assumed] the file was sent correctly and whether it was my ignorance about computer files or his lack of understanding, a problem resulted. But the worst of it all was that I was left questioning my right to confront him about it. As a student I feel that I have the right to defend myself in all situations where grades are concerned if I feel like I am being wronged. However, since its a writing class all grades are extremely subjective and it flashed through my head "what if he takes his out on me for the rest of the semester?"

PS- the subjectiveness of all english/writing/communication/etc classes is a large part of why I am a science major. Just because someone doesn't like you or your style or because you don't write exactly as they prefer things, they can vary your grade accordingly.

And sadly enough, he is not the first person I have dealt with who will unfairly treat people because of their own personal opinions. When someone tries their hardest, puts in the required (if not more) work, and does nothing wrong, why should they feel bad about themselves? Who gave this professor and the other rude people in the world the authority to say "I don't like you, so tough?" Who put them higher on the totem-pole of life?

So please, everyone, take the time to think before you treat someone unfairly. Before you hurt someone and just walk away not caring. Before you put yourself first in a situation that deserves understanding. Give someone a hug because you care about them. Say thank you and yes please because 2 simple words can completely change the dynamics of a relationship. Think about the feelings of others and whether they deserve the words that are coming out of your mouth. Because in the long run, people are all you have in your life. Do you really want to spend your time here just making people upset?