on a memo to men

Attention men: there are certain things you should never say or do when in the presence of a woman and more importantly, there are things you should never say or do TO a woman; regardless of the situation.

For example, it is not appropriate to have oh, eight-ish beers, and decide to sit next to a girl in a bar who is with her boyfriend. And who is obviously with her boyfriend at that, not just out with a friend who is a guy. Then, please don’t bring your just-as-drunk friend to the table with you while you both continuously try to shake said-girl’s hand. And sensing that the girl doesn’t want anything to do with you, please don’t decide to shake the girl’s hand and kiss it extremely inappropriately following it with “is that your boy over there?” And to top it off, please don’t 1. ask “is that a digital camera” because obviously it is, what else would it be and 2. ask if you can take her picture because why would she need a picture of herself on her own camera taken by you, Mr. Creepy? Get the hint when she says, “no it’s ok, I have plenty of pictures from tonight” and don’t make her have to say “No. I’m fine” while grabbing her camera and her boyfriends hand at the same time. Then please get the hint, and walk away instead of sitting there, not talking to anyone while just staring.

Also men, if you have to begin your sentence with “most women find it offensive but….” then it’s probably because it is offensive and you should just close your mouth right there and not finish what you were saying. If you have to warn someone about what you’re about to say then the comment should just float in your head a never come out of your mouth. Because while you might not understand why it’s offensive or there might be some strange girls who don’t find it offensive, I can bet that most do. And in those situations there are few who will actually smack you on the side of the head, say, “don’t ever say that again” and get their feelings across to you. Most will say “ohh okay…” and shy away from the feelings they’re having. And this goes for anything you might say even if you aren’t sure if it’ll be offensive. If there’s even a doubt, just leave it alone and play it safe.